


Mind Games

by ToxiFox



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-11 09:56:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7886620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxiFox/pseuds/ToxiFox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haunting dreams and horrible realizations lead Barry Allen to rethink this whole superhero thing. In order for him to overcome this fear that's building up, he must take time away to find comfort somewhere else, with someone else. But soon the pain and heartbreak he thought he left in the past, catches up and everything comes crashing down. He may be able to survive meta-humans but can he survive himself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unsteady

**Author's Note:**

> This Story takes place after the episode "Flash vs Arrow". This is also my first story so I'm sorry for any mistakes I've made! Just incase, the ~~~~ means flashback, and this is in Barry's point of view  
> Enjoy! :)

I stood in the middle of nowhere, everything around me was consumed into the haze that developed around me. My ears were bombarded by screams and cries produced by the innocent people of Central City, grasping for my attention so I can save them from the corruption that wraps around this city. The suit that I wore dissinigrated into thin air and before the scraps floated away into the hollow breeze, I was constricted by the red leather suit that beared the sigil of a lightning bolt. My eyes absorbed the acknowledgment of this and soon gazed up. I was surrounded by the citizens of the city, each one wielded a knife. Theirs eyes were clear, allowing me to see inside their souls which burned with vengeance. I then felt a sharp pain in my back as one of them sank their knives into it. I felt one of my vertebrae get chipped by the pointed object, sending a surge of pain throughout my body. My screams lured the rest to seek their objective, to kill me. Stab by stab I felt death creep closer and closer upon me, until I woke up screaming on the train. The three other people stared strangely at me. I popped up the collar on my jacket and settled down into my seat. It wasn't long until the train started slowly down as it came to its stop. When it finally came to a halt the doors slid open. I grabbed ahold of the extendable handle on my suit case and took my steps back into Starling City.

I was vaguely able to see the clock that hung behind the counter which read "10:37". I made way towards the exit, dragging my feet. My loss in sleep has drained my energy, making it hard for me to want to do things like picking up my suitcase off the ground so then it didn't keep making that "thud" noise as it hit each step or riding the train to Starling City instead of running, which is my specialty after all. As I started to surface above ground, the breeze swept across the streets hitting me with refreshment. As weird as it may sound, my nose quickly dissected the different smell of the two cities. After taking a few deep breathes, trying to gain back confidence, I made my way down the side walk in hope of finding a taxi or a bus stop. Ten minutes or so flew by and it was then I realized that I wandered into the Glades.  
I saw a taxi finally heading down the street, so I began going to the street and giving a signaling wave. My arm began to lower as I felt something press up again my back.  
"What is a rich dirt bag like you doing in the Glades." The thug spoke with his scruffy voice as he dug the pistol's barrel deeper.  
"Uh... I just need to get to the m-main part of the city." I began to stutter and felt hesitation inject itself in me. My brain kept telling me Run! but I don't want to have to use that ability of mine anymore. Seeing the thug holding a gun to me the taxi continued to drive passed me.  
"Well isn't that a shame. I would say give me your wallet but... I’ll just have to take it from your dead body." I sensed his hand shift into position to pull the trigger, and as he pulled his finger back to fire I realized I had to use IT. I quickly turned around to confiscate the gun from him. The gun was centimeters from leaving his hand before it lit up and a bullet plunged into my shoulder. In immense pain I dispersed into thin air leaving a trailing of lightning. Without recognition of where I was running to I ended up in the Arrow's hideout. I felt around to find the lights, and upon finding them I seeked the medical equipment. I removed my jacket leaving only my vest and the shirt underneath. I grabbed the tweezer and began removing the bullet that was lodged fairly deep. I gritted my teeth and a slight grunt escaped as the bullet followed the pull of the tweezers. I started to patch myself up when I heard the click of the door upstairs. I finished placing one of the patching layers on and then scrambled to hide behind one of the desks.  
Their footsteps clicked as their shoes hit each metal stair. I didn't want to risk peeking over and being seen. Even though the "Arrow squad" are my friends i didn't want them to know I’m in town... yet. If they knew then there would be questions, too many questions. I could tell the person coming down the stairs felt suspicion due to the decline of timing each step had. Fear coursed through my body when I all of a sudden didn't hear any footsteps, let alone anything at all. My body suddenly was hoisted up by a sturdy string, dragging my back against the metal desk. It stopped a majority of air flow as it hung me by my neck.  
"Barry?!" The words were spoken by a younger man which i instantly recognized.  
"Roy?" He lightened up on his grip and I felt the oxygen flow smoothly back into my body.  
"Wha-what are you doing back in Starling City? Did one of those Meta-things come here?" He placed his bow back in the case and leaned up against one of the other desks.  
"No not exac-" I began to stand up when he noticed my tiny wound.  
"Damn man, um maybe we should finish that patching first" He opened up the medical drawer and tossed me the wrapping. "I got to head back up to the club, are you gonna be alright?"  
"Yeah, I should be fine" I tore a portion of the wrapping material off and continued to finish it up. "Hey, can you do me a favor? Please don't tell anyone that I was-"  
"You were what?" My ears perked up as they realized whose mouth those words came from. The soothing voice he has is so irresistible, and by he I mean... Oliver.  
"Uh, I'm going to take my leave now." Roy was gone before our eyes  
"Heh... well I guess he felt the awkwardness too." I nervously rubbed the back of my neck. I began to feel all my previous emotions surfacing from the darkness of depression that buried them.  
"Barry, I-" Before Oliver could finish I was out of there. I hated myself a little more for having to use my powers to avoid confrontation. I felt my emotions tampering with my speed and I couldn't stay stable very long. I ended my running spree in a deep forest, here is where my tears broke through my strength and were released. 

~~~~~~~~~  
One week after dealing with Bivolo, after having to go through all those emotional outrages it wasn't until I tried to sleep that night that I realize something. No matter how many times I tried to convince myself otherwise the more I knew that it was true. It was that night that I ran to face it. I never ran faster, but I had to face the truth. I passed the sign for Starling City and the sign with the vibrant word Verdant. Then, in front of my very eyes, was where the truth rested.  
~~~~~~~~~  
"Barry..." Hearing my name come out of his mouth followed with his sigh made it worse.  
"Oliver, just leave me alone right now." My hands began to form into fists as my endurance weakened.  
"Well obviously you came to Starling City for a reason, Barry" He started to step closer and closer to me. I crawled forward trying to create some sort of rift between us.  
"You're right..." I spoke under my breath.  
"Look, Barry, we need to talk about this." His voice softened as I it turned more into sympathetic  
"It's not that, Oliver!" My voice began to morph as sadness slithered into my throat.  
"Then what IS it, Barry!" We both fell into silence "You don't talk to me anymore... and you keep running from these conversations."  
"I-I don't want to be The Flash anymore." My heart sank as I said those words. Maybe my thoughts aren't all together at the moment, what am I saying!  
"Why? Why do you want to go back all of a sudden?"  
"My dreams Ollie! …my dreams..." My voice cracked under the strain of my yelling. My muscle fell limp as I collapsed to the ground in tears. I curled up into a ball of suffering and all my emotions ran loose. "I can't save them all Ollie! It kills me inside each time an innocent bystander loses their life in the crossfire! I did what I always do... I ran from my problems and I needed comfort, but not just from anyone, from you Ollie." My sobs grew louder, but soon started to come to an ease as Oliver picked me up off the ground and held me in his arms.  
“Let’s get you out of here, Barry.”  
~~~~~~~~~  
“Barry? What are you doing here?” Oliver looked up from the screen that contained all the criminals he put away in the past few months.  
“Well, that’s a good question… Oliver, you remember how I acted during the time I was under Bivolo’s whole anger thing?” My throat wanted to seal shut to keep this conversation from progressing.  
“Yeah, I still have the bruises to prove it!” He chuckled and showed me that beautiful smile once more. My hormones were sent bouncing off walls, and made themselves known.  
“Well, A part from what all was said, there was one thing that destroyed me internally that nothing could forcefully pull out of me. “My heart’s beats rapidly grew as it was almost time to confess.  
“And what exactly is that, Barry?”  
~~~~~~~~~  
I woke up with my head laying against a car window, well it was actually a van but anyways. My eyes cringed at the multiple street lights we passed under.  
“How long was I napping for?” I rubbed my dry eyes, and became confused when I had no clue where we were going.  
“About 15 minutes, give or take a few. After we got to the van you instantly passed out.” Oliver didn’t take his eyes off the road, which made me wonder if he was mad at me.  
“So, mind if I ask where we are going?” I corrected my posture in my seat and upon forgetting my phone was on silent I took a quick glimpse at my phone. My phone’s screen was covered in notifications: 5 missed calls from Caitlyn, 3 missed calls from Cisco, 6 missed calls from Iris, 8 missed calls from Joe, and a whopping 1 missed call from Dr. Wells.  
“Looks like a lot of people are worried about you.” Oliver peeked over for a second, he brought me back to reality as I was just staring off into space. “But to answer your question from before, I’m taking you back to my old place to stay” I looked over at him, and he instantly was able to read my little smirk on my face “Not like that, Barry.” And within the same amount of time it took to form, it was gone.  
“So where is this place of yours at?” I sighed and leaned back up against the window. As Oliver made a final turn the place of his appeared in plain sight.  
“The Queen’s old mansion” He acquired a smile of his face but his smile faulted as a burden controlled it. The van came to a stop and we both popped open our doors. I took in the size and beauty of the mansion. The amazing architectural designs that went into it. My mouth lowered is absolute awe.  
“You coming or what!?” Oliver hollered up ahead, farther than I realized. I recollected myself and caught up to him.  
The door creaked open unmasking the beauty that was within the house.  
“You can crash here while we get your mentally prepared again.” Oliver continued through the house making his way up the stair. I was unsure what to do until Oliver waved me up the stairs.  
“Wait what do you mean by WE? How are you going to help me?” I started to follow him, even though he completely ignored me “If you even can anymore…” I spoke under my breath.  
~~~~~~~~~~  
“I-I-“Cutting me off was Oliver’s phone ringing. He immediately took the phone call, which was from Felicity. Oliver walked away to take the call, allowing me to only hear very little of what was going on. He finally put his phone back in his pocket and walked back my way. His face shifted, giving off a fierce look. He walked right passed me grabbing his bow  
“Felicity has a hit on Ra’s. Duty call me, Barry. Maybe you can tell me whatever it was later.” And in the moment he was the one out in a flash. I didn’t even have time to say anything else but I still finished the sentence that was already in motion.  
“I love you, Oliver Queen.”

~~~~~~~~~~


	2. Destination Unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm sorry it took me so long to write this chapter, I'll explain everything at the end! There will most likely be quite a few more errors than last time for I was a little sloppy, I'll admit it. Anyways enjoy!! :)  
> Reminder: ~~~~ means flashback!

That same night, I stripped down into my boxers and laid in Oliver’s old bed wide awake. I was in fact, afraid to go to sleep. Oliver was able to get the fireplace lit before he left me about an hour ago, which made me feel a little bit better. I looked at my phone, which shown it was 2:54am. I finally decided to make a single phone call. With a press of a button my phone shown “Calling Caitlyn”. It rang a few times until she finally answered.  
“Hello?” The way she spoke you could tell I woke her up.  
“Hey, It’s Barry”  
“Barry! Oh gosh, where have you been!” That tired voice of hers sparked into relief. The phone call all of a sudden made a weird beeping noise, as if the call dropped.  
“Hello?” I looked back at my phone and it still said the call was going. All of a sudden an outburst of screams came from the phone.  
“Barry! Help me!” Her voice distanced from the phone as she cried out for me.  
“Caitlin!?” My eyes sprung open releasing me from the fearful dimension I was stuck in. I began to sit up and realized I was in a pool of sweat. I wiped my hand across my forehead to stop the sweat that was dripping down. This is the first time in my life that I’ve sweated this much due to a nightmare. The sun snuck through the little crevasse between the curtains lighting up the room. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up to stretch. I wanted to call Caitlin or someone to tell them I’m ok but I know what they’ll say and ask. It better left unanswered at least until I figure it out myself. I walked over to the dresser I left my clothes on only to find them gone. Those were my only clothes I had since that other dude robbed me of the other ones. Speaking of which, I unraveled the wrapping to check on my wound. It was getting slightly better but it’d need to be rewrapped and have more disinfecting medicine put on it. As I wrapped it back up I noticed something in the corner of the room that wasn’t there before.  
“My suitcase!” I cheered with relief to see that lovely thing. I paced over to it fairly quickly and popped it open. Everything was still nicely folded and packed in there, just as I left it. On the handle, was a piece of paper wrapped around it. I peeled it off, reading the words “I have my ways”. A smirk clustered at the corner of my mouth.  
I pulled out my red flannel shirt, a new pair of boxers, some casual jeans, and my little shampoo and body wash contained. I’m slightly that I went with my gut and brought the shampoo and body wash.  
I opened the bedroom door and looked around. The house was so empty making it slightly creepy. I went up and down the halls trying to find the bathroom to possibly take a shower. After opening enough doors, I finally found the correct one. The bathroom glimmered due to everything being so clean and beautiful. The marble countered sink, the pearly white porcelain, the black and white granite tiled floor, and the shower the was positioned in the corner with its glass paned outside and the same granite tiles matching the floor. Hanging on the rack to the side of the shower was two towels. “It’s as If he knew me so well” I thought to myself as I slipped my boxers off, unwrapped my wound, and entered the shower. This whole see through shower makes me very self-conscious, but then again, no one else is here.  
~~~~  
Emptiness is what took the place of my happiness. When will I get the confidence to say that to him again? Will I ever actually get to say it to him? Why am I thinking there is even a chance he’ll say it back? All these questions flooded into my mind and to release it, my levee broke allowing a few tears to escape. I wiped them off trying to keep my ground and not be seen as weak. I finally relieved myself of my motionless state and turned to run back home.  
“Barry??”  
~~~~  
The hot water rushed down my body, soothing me. Each drop of water was washing away the sweat, the sweat that reminds me of the horrors that lurk within my dreaming state. The steam started to fog up the glass allowing me to feel a little bit more hidden. Within a few minutes I did a final rinse to get the shampoo out of my hair. I opened the shower door and was once again exposed. Especially by the cold air that crashed against my skin. I picked up the towels and began drying myself off. I ran my hand over my wound that was healing quickly, which made me remember that my powers allow me to heal quicker than most. If only my heart could heal as quick, but sadly sometimes emotions can’t be healed. After exploring my body with a towel I began to dress. Some of my clothes wanted to be stubborn as they would drag against my slightly wet body. I heard a knock on the bathroom door and before I could say anything, the door barged open.  
“Who’s ready for some training!” Oliver’s voice bounced off the walls with slight enthusiasm. I stood there like a deer in head lights only in my boxers. “Oh shi- I’m sorry!” He quickly popped his head back out the door. I felt blood rush to my checks as I actually blushed. “Um, I’ll just wait out here… whenever you are ready.”  
“O-ok…” I was still stuck in place. After realizing that he almost saw me naked I managed to put on the rest of my clothes. I finished jumping into my pants and opened the door to see Oliver just leaning up against the wall.  
“For being the fastest man alive, you take forever getting dressed.” His head propped up as he picked himself off the wall.  
“Well I mean, if someone didn’t walk in on me!” I retaliated to his snarky comment.  
“Oh don’t act like you didn’t mind.” He huffed and motioned me to follow  
“No, No I didn’t!” I sternly tried to believe I didn’t but he was right.  
I followed him like a dog down the hall, down the stair, and out the door. Parked in front of the house was that same creepy old black van.  
“Where are we going this time?” I stopped until he answered this valuable question  
“Hop in and find out!” He walked to the passenger door and propped it open for me.  
“Wow you being a gentleman? I guess there’s a first for everything.” Though I wanted to be stubborn and refuse to hop in, I put my life in Oliver’s hands once again.  
~~~~  
My mind instantly connected the feminine voice to a name and a face “Felicity?”  
“What’re you exactly doing down here? I mean you’re more than welcome to be down here but it’s just that you usually… aren’t” Her words started to slow down as she stared intensely at me. “Were you crying, Barry?”  
“No! I-I don’t cry pfftt” I performed a fake laugh which she surely saw through. As she blinked I took a quick half-a-second to quick wipe away any remaining signs. I gave her a smile and she just continued to glare at me.  
“I know exactly what you did.” Her eyes squinted as she saw right through me. “Don’t think I don’t know you did your whole flash thing to double check yourself.” My smile faded as I was caught. “Come on, you’re going to tell me what going on.” My shoulders slouched and I grunted as she held my arm and pulled me towards her desk.  
~~~~  
We turned onto a highway which would take us through the city. The multiple traffic jams and stoplights that stayed red for what seemed like forever, made the trip more of a bore.  
“Why don’t you ever have the radio on in this van?” I broke the silence that made this trip drag, quite like the other one.  
“I prefer concentration more than entertainment.” His words were bland.  
“Ok Arrow, can I speak to Oliver Queen? Thanks.” I hated how much he acts like he can’t be an ordinary human.  
“Excuse me?” He was baited by the snarky comment.  
“I just think that you always act so serious all the time and forget that you’re still a human being. You’re allowed to have fun!” It may have started to seem like I was being rude but I was trying to make him think it’s ok.  
“Well, I don’t always have the privilege to do those fun things, Barry.” I could sense a shift in his little aura. I decided not to tinker with my words anymore. Once again, silence wins the war. My eyes noticed a sign that read “Now leaving Starling City.”  
“Uh, Ollie? Now is the time to answer my question of where are we going?” the ride became bumpy as we hit a dirt road which lead us into an open field. There in the wide open was a fairly nice airplane. “Please tell me we aren’t riding in that!” my heart thumped a little faster seeing it.  
“Ok, we’re not riding in it.” His toned sounded serious  
“Really!?” I could sense calmness flood into my body  
“Nope.” His serious tone became undone and soon became chuckling. My calmness was substituted by fear, once again. The van shifted into park and Oliver got out. Walking towards the plane, another person came out from behind the plane, It was John Diggle. I opened my door to check things out. I was hit by the nice day breeze and the noises of pure nature, along with the conversation happening by the plane.  
“Diggle, is the plane all set?” Oliver gave the plane’s front blades a little spin.  
“Sure is. Now you come back alive, man. We don’t need to lose you and Barry.” He dropped a set of keys in Oliver’s held out hand. I glanced at my phone once again and saw even more missed calls.  
“Barry, you coming!?” Oliver yelled from inside the plane. I finally shot Caitlin a text explaining that I’m ok, and I might be out of touch for a while and I’ll give a deeper explanation when I get back.  
“Yeah!” I responded while hitting send on my phone. I ran to the plane with some reluctance and propped open the passenger door. Shutting the door behind me I felt the engine of the plane rattle awake. Following the awaken of the engine we began moving, soon to take off into the air.  
“Now can I please ask where we are going.” I didn’t know whether or not to feel regret putting so much trust into Oliver.  
“Well, we’re going to a familiar place of mine. Lian Yu”  
~~~~  
I planted myself in one of the comfy seats, face to face with Felicity.  
“Alright start from the beginning, Barry.” She held my hand ready to help me with whatever was burdening me. The lightning took over as I started to spill everything. I entered the state of amazing speed and released my emotions  
“I love Oliver, but I know he will never love me back! As cheesy as it sounds it true! I can’t bring myself to say it to him due to the fact I don’t want to have to face that sort of defeat. It’s already enough stress with what’s all happening in Central City that I wonder if it’s even worth thinking about let alone actually doing!” I exited the current state and took my place once again. “Felicity, it’s nothing. I honestly just need some rest, so I’ll just take my leave.”  
“Hold on one second!” She blurted out as I began to stand. She dug into her pocket and magical held a recorder in her palm. “Barry, I know you too well. I know a lot of your tricks.” My mouth slightly opened as she outplayed me. With a little click I heard my voice begin to fill the air. Everything I said in that little time frame, unraveling piece by piece. She… She knows now.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I just started college recently and it's been taking up a lot more time than expected! I'm trying my best to keep steady with updates. I will honestly try my best everyone!  
> But anyways! Until next chapter, goodbye! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully you've enjoyed this chapter! There is more chapters to come, just be patient and ready for when they do! :)


End file.
